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Before marriage every couple should have a pre-marital counseling or a weekend retreat on marriage. This can guide them of how to resolve their problems and the different approaches or styles of communication, the importance of trust, and respect in marriage.
A pre-marital counseling is a tool or a guide to prepare the couple to better know each other in attitudes, difficulties of marriage; how to handle financial problems; in-law problems; and the preparation of a family. If the couples love each other and are committed to marriage till death this pre- marital counseling is an enhancement to strengthen their married life. It is important to communicate with each other in this counseling so to know what both of you expect and want of each other when you get married. The counselor will give you guides on how to discuss and communicate together about your financial capabilities; how to handle it; do you want children right away or wait? How long is the wait? How to raise the kids? Plan the education of kids; what are the small acts of love? medical problems; problems with future in-laws; where will you live? The couple must be honest and must have self –awareness for this to work. Keep all your notes. Use it as a guide and reminder in your marriage.
This same type of counseling can also be used for married couples who would like to improve; enhance and enlighten their relationship due to some problems can attend the marriage encounter weekend. In this encounter the couples are guided by elders who are married and share almost the same or heavier problems and share how they are achieving to solve their problems. The couples are encouraged to express in a letter all their feelings of heart aches; attitude and character problems; sex problems; attitude in expressing their affection; no concern or interest of each other’s needs; communication of feelings; and the word sorry is no longer said. In another list write down all your feelings of what you expected of the marriage: finances; children; family problems internally and externally; work related problems and education of children etc. In doing this the couple must not blame each other for their mistakes. It must be your own shortcomings. One must remember that it takes two to make a problem as neither of you want to admit of your own mistakes. As the saying goes “feelings are neither right nor wrong” so share your feelings it is your inner most desire to be at peace and make your marriage lasting. Never be afraid to share about your feelings as this is where hurts, anger, hatred, misunderstandings, starts to build up and can break your marriage. The encounter is also the place where you can pray and ask for enlightenment and discernment of how to make your marriage last a lifetime. Keep all your notes what you have done in the encounter. You will need it to reflect on them when the need of a problem arises.
In these encounters you are given suggestions and true to life experiences of couples who have undergone marriage problems and imparting knowledge of how they are still trying to fight and conquering the obstacles of a day to day and years of married life. It does not mean if you have attended the encounter weekend all the trials and problems are gone and mended. Bottom line is even you have undergone the marriage encounter weekend the couple must continue practicing what they have learned and continue communicating with one another. Problems, difficulties will still arise all the time and they must know how to handle the different situations of life. Sometimes the couples are too confident that they forget again each other. Don’t give- up. Set a date for the both of you to go back to your notes which both of you have done in the encounter. To make the marriage lasting, both of you must always seek guidance of the Lord; endure all the trials and happiness which marriage brings.
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