Getting Better With Age

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When a new relationship begins we are enthralled with the possibilities of what the future may hold. After all, it seems we have found someone that we really connect with – someone that we can love and who loves us back. And for most people, this early stage in the relationship, the honeymoon phase, is fun, interesting, and seems as though it will never end. But sadly, for many couples, the newness wears off and the romance subsides sooner than they would like.

So what goes wrong? Is it that the partners become too comfortable with each other and therefore they take advantage of each other’s good nature? Or does the love slowly dissipate for other reasons?

From personal experience I can tell you that any number of things can happen. Taking each other for granted is very common. The fact is that in the beginning we are thrilled to have a new person in our life. We do whatever we can to spend time with that person. And we are more tolerant of his or her strange ways; in fact, we may find those little quirks to be cute or to make that person special.

But for many of us as time goes on we eventually realize that those same ‘cute little things’ that made our new partner unique become annoying. And instead of appreciating our partner for the individual that he or she is, we begin to accept the fact that the person is a part of our life and that person simply has some annoying habits that we would like to change.

Obviously, this is unfair. All of us are unique and all of us have personality quirks. We do not expect that someone will ever ask us to change our little quirks. Let’s face it, being accepted just the way we are is important to us.

Another thing that happens is that we expect our partner to make us happy. That is so unfair! The reality is that each of us are responsible for our own happiness. We need to work at finding happiness and let that shine through in our relationships with others.

Jealousy is often a culprit in relationships. Knowing and understanding what each partner deems as acceptable in the relationship is vital to a lasting relationship.

If couples work at respecting each other from the start for who they really are the likelihood that the relationship will last is greatly improved. It’s often when one or both partners begin expecting changes that trouble begins.

Relationships with a solid foundation can survive even the hardest of times. The need is that the relationship be based on a true friendship that is given without conditions. Unconditional love, as it is referred to, is a love that accepts the other person just as they are. There are no requirements other than love and friendship.

Such relationships strengthen over time. In other words, as they age and season, the partners grow to respect each other even more. And in that way, the relationship continues getting better with age.

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Couples That Are In The Know Romance Their Partners

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Married couples must keep the candles of romance lit in their life together if their relationship is to last. The efforts will result in lives that are more fruitful and happy.  Romance takes away the boredom associated with everyday living. Romance is what brings back the thrills and frills that they once knew when they were still courting each other. The reality is that we all like to feel appreciated, but more than that, we like to feel loved and respected for who we really. That is usually part of the attraction in a new relationship, but unfortunately, some couples tend to let the romance slip away and they become increasingly comfortable in the relationship.

Romance must never end after the honeymoon stage. It must keep on growing even if you have celebrated your fiftieth anniversary of togetherness. There are so many ways to ignite the flame of romance in a relationship. But because people are unique, each couple must find the proper way or method in order to achieve this. They must have the desire and commitment to elevate their romance to the highest possible peak and then to continue the maintenance in order that the relationship will always be enjoyable.

Romance must be a never ending cycle in marriage. When romance abounds in the household, the house becomes a more pleasant place to live in.  Married couples whose romance continues to bloom have very good attitudes. They feel more confident and usually consider their spouse to be their best friend. This results in a significant bond that continues to strengthen as the years go by.

Such couples less jealous, because they are assured of their spouses love for them. They are less cranky because their life has meaning and joy. These romantic couples do not hide their feelings, they show it to the world, there is never any shame in showing how much they care about their partner. Little things like gentle touches, light strokes on one’s hand or arm and holding hands all comes naturally to these partners.

People in such partnerships have the assurance that they are well appreciated for the things they do for each other. The satisfaction of their love life can be seen in their faces.  They are more trusting of each other and jealousy has no place in their lives. These couples are also less complicated and their problems can be solved easily, because they will find time to understand and listen to one another.  Romancing spouses know the meaning of give and take. They take into consideration the views of each other and respect them for what they are.

Because these partners know and understand each other disagreements are rare, and when they happen they can more easily be solved. Such relationships not only survive, but they thrive – as time goes by the couple enjoy a better understanding of the other and therefore romance and a beautiful relationship comes naturally.

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How Soon Is Too Soon Or Not Soon Enough

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Inevitably, when you are part of the dating world, you will need to face the question of just how soon you should let things move to a more physically intimate level. This is just a gentle and polite way of saying you will need to decide when the time is right to have sex. While this should be a rather simple thing to figure out, especially for adults, it can actually be a bit tricky.

First of all, even when you’re well past the age of consent and, possibly, heading into early middle age, there’s still a right time and a wrong time to move forward sexually. It really doesn’t matter how enlightened people in the 21st century think they are, men still have a certain way of viewing a woman who will jump right into bed with them, no questions asked. If this describes you, don’t be too surprised if a lot of guys are not calling you back. When you allow yourself to be used in this fashion, chances are you’re giving in MUCH too soon and these guys are just having a quick release with you.

This brings us to the First Date Rule. Agreeing to sex on the first date is a huge no-no. The only way that this is acceptable and probably not damaging to the budding relationship and your reputation is if the man is someone you’ve known for a very long time and friendship has transitioned into romance. In all other instances, the first date is completely too soon for such intimacy. Kiss all you want, but keep it on simmer.

Are you hoping to find that the second date is a more acceptable time frame to have sex for the first time with someone new? You should hear the Second Date Rule if you truly believe that. The second date is also too soon to hop into bed. Keep in mind that this is particularly true if you’re just getting to know someone new.  Two dates is not enough time to know someone THAT well.

While many people seem to adhere to the Third Date Rule, that may still be a bit too soon if you really want this to turn into something wonderful. Too many people tend to do things backwards in relationships. For example, they meet at a bar or a party or wherever, spend some time drinking and talking, head back to his place or hers, and then have sex. Most of the time, they don’t even know each other’s last names. Also, these encounters typically turn into one night stands, which are never favorable when it comes to having a true relationship.

If a real relationship is what you’re trying to find, give it some time before you give into your hormonal desires. Let the connection between the two of you grow and take time to really get to know each other. No, it doesn’t have to be YEARS, but at least give it time to feel 100 percent right in every way. There’s much more of a chance for a successful relationship then.

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Dumped Boyfriend - You Aint Dead In The Water

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If you've been a dumped boyfriend, I'm sure you're wondering what in the heck you should do now to get over your ex.  You are more than likely feeling anger, resentment and hurt over the situation, but hey, you're a guy, so you don't want anyone to know. 

First off, that's the wrong approach. There's nothing wrong with hurting when someone you love is no longer in your life, I'm not saying you should break down and sob in front of your friends, but unless your friends are complete jackasses they should be able to support you while you're going through this (and if not, maybe your first step should be to get some new friends).

Sometimes in life it's just as important to know what not to do as it is to know what to do. When you're trying to move past a tough breakup there are many things you just don't want to do, you'll only keep your own hurt alive that much longer and you can hurt other people too. 

For example, don't hook up with other women.  I know, this can  help your wounded pride heal and it may take away a little of the hurt for a little while, but what about the other woman? Does she really deserve to be treated like a replacement for your ex? What has she ever done to you?  No, it's best to just resist the urge to sleep with other women at least for a little while until you can do it for the right reasons and not just to build up your own ego, ease your hurt, or get back at your ex.

Another thing you need to avoid is the dumb macho posturing of going out and getting drunk.  What does that really accomplish, it's such a juvenile thing to do.  If you want to go out with your friends and have some fun to keep your mind off of things, than go for it. But if you want to go out and drink yourself into a stupor either avoid doing that or at least stay home where you won't make a fool of yourself and where  you can't hurt anyone.

Instead of engaging in these destructive behaviors when you're a dumped boyfriend, try doing something positive that won't leave you feeling, and looking, like a jerk. How about joining a gym and getting in shape?  Why not take a class or go back to school?  Go visit your mother?  It doesn't matter what it is for you, as long as what ever activities you choose to participate in are healthy and will eventually move you forward in life. They can help you take your mind off your ex, and your anger, and concentrate on something that is worthwhile, a two for one!

Avoiding the destructive behaviors after a breakup and improving the man you are will enable you to move forward in a positive way and will greatly increase the odds that your next relationship will work out better than your last one did. So if you're a dumped boyfriend take stock of the man you are and make improvements while you are healing over your breakup.

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To Save My Marriage - Wait - Do I Really Want To

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My marriage has been on the rocks for some time now and I just did some research on how to save my marriage. The first thing I learned was we both need to communicate better. I am so excited, this shouldn't be too hard, we used to talk about everything all the time. I am going to start as soon as we both get home from work. I will suggest that we cook dinner together, open that nice bottle of wine we bought on that vacation we took a couple of years ago, and start talking while we eat our dinner.

I found that I have to be honest with myself, that no matter how much I want my marriage to work I may not be able to save it. My husband needs to want to save it and be willing to work on things, too.  No matter how much I may want to, I can't do it all by myself and I can't force him to want to work on it if he really does not want to.

I also realize that we don't have a clue on how to communicate. Sure, we talk, but we don't really 'get' the other person most of the time. So often when I try to tell him how I feel he gets mad and thinks I'm attacking him. I'm just trying to express my worries, concerns or fears but he seems to take it as a personal attack. 

I will suggest we talk about why we haven't been getting along lately, just see what's going on. I know this is going to take some work on both our parts but I want to save my marriage.

Hopefully if this dinner is a success we can start to figure out how to spend more quality time together. I think we should have a date every now and then. We get so caught up in the day to day managing of this household we forget we need to connect with each other in meaningful ways. I want to feel in love again and stop feeling like we are just roommates. Maybe if we both agree that our marriage needs work and then agree to try to fix what is wrong, we can find our happily ever after, after all.

Then there is the subject of sex. The research I did said that if you and your partner have not had sex for a while then one of you needs to take the initiative and seduce the other. I went out today and bought some new lingerie and some new candles. I had time to get them into the bedroom and set up already. After dinner I will excuse myself and go put on the lingerie and light the candles. Ooh, I will put on some romantic music, too. Then I will take him by the hand and lead him into the bedroom for an unforgettable night.

I am going to make these little changes starting tonight and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to save my marriage.

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how to get your wife back

One of the hardest things in the world is when a marriage breaks up. The second hardest thing is when you realize that it was a mistake to not fight harder to save it. If you find that you are in that situation and you want to know how to get your wife back, here are some helpful tactics that have worked for a lot of marriages and may work for yours too.

1. The first thing you have got to do is be an adult. This may sound like silly advice but the truth is that when we are hurting we can do and say some really dumb things. Don't lash out in anger or in pain, get your emotions in check before you try to reach out to your ex.

2. Remind your wife of the person she fell in love with. Go out to the places you used to go and do the things you used to do when the two of you first met. It's very common that when a relationship goes on for a long time, things can get stale, remind her of why she fell in love with you in the first place.

3. Show her, through your actions, that you are willing to make changes. She has no doubt heard it all before and talk is cheap, so now it's time to put your money where your mouth is.

For many, that means doing something different such as be willing to go to a counselor. If you were reluctant to do that before she will see that you are serious if you agree to it now. (Just make sure if you agree to go that you take it seriously and really try, she won't be impressed with more broken and empty promises).

These tips are a good place to start and will show you how to get your wife back. Everyone and every situation is different and only you and your wife know what went wrong, but if you are willing to be open and honest, and use these tips, you have a chance to make things right again.

Relationship Self Help - Can Save Your Relationship

 There are plenty of relationship self help techniques you can use to bring the intimacy back into your relationship. Many people begin to feel that the intimacy levels in their relationships begin to fade over time. They mistakenly believe this means the love is gone, but the truth is that all relationships develop into a pattern of habits and rituals that can often make people feel more like roommates than lovers.

 

Instead of giving up on your relationship, try using some relationship self help techniques to bring the intimacy levels back to where they were when you first met.

 

1. Small Talk

 

Research has shown that couples who engage in regular small talk will experience less arguments and fights throughout their relationship. Connective small talk doesn't mean bombarding your partner with an hour-long diatribe about every single thing you did during the day.

 

Small talk is simply sharing opinions or observations from things you did through your day. It also means learning to avoid mono-syllable responses and actually showing a bit of interest in what each other is saying. Ask questions and respond to your partner with positivity.

 

2. Eye Contact

 

How many times do you really look your partner in the eye when you talk together? As relationships progress, many people tend to look in the direction of their partner's eyes, but they don't make eye contact.

 

When you first met, eye contact would have been high. Humans react to eye contact as being a positive way to build intimacy. As you become more familiar with each other, this decreases over time, which also leads people to believe the intimacy is dying.

 

3. Non-sexual Physical Contact

 

Learning to touch your partner and encouraging them to touch you too in non-sexual ways can help to increase intimacy. Give your partner a hug without expecting it to lead to anything further. Offer your partner a back massage or a foot rub and don't have an ulterior motive. Hold hands when you're out together. These simple forms of physical contact re-establish a level of intimacy and trust in each other that can be very effective relationship self help techniques.

 

4. Appreciation

 

Instead of focusing on the things that annoy you about your partner, try focusing on the things you appreciate about them instead.  There must be things about your partner that attracted you to them originally, so spend some time each day focusing on the positive things and don't waste time concentrating on the annoying traits that everyone has anyway.

 

5. Time Out

 

Far too many couples fall into a pattern of trying to spend all of their time with their partner.  They begin to feel as though their partner is somehow deserting them if they want to spend a little time doing something without their significant other. While it's normal to enjoy each other's company, it's also important to remember that everyone needs a little time out occasionally. 

 

This could be something as simple as going out for a meal or a movie with friends or a coffee with the girls. Research shows that many couples improve their relationships when they display trust and encourage each other to spend a little time doing things they enjoy.

Saving A Relationship

Saving a relationship might seem like a hopeless task for some women. They worry endlessly that their relationship is falling apart and no matter what they do, their partner seems to be pulling further and further away from them. In an effort to pull their relationship back together, many people try to talk to their partner to find out what's wrong or what could be changed, but unfortunately these tactics can sometimes end up driving your partner even further away.

 

There are some psychologically proven principles you can put to good use for you when you're saving a relationship. Most relationships move through several phases as they progress. The initial phases of attraction are based on mutual enjoyment of each others company. Your intimacy levels are high and you both want to spend more and more time with each other.

 

The key to keeping any relationship at the same electrically charged emotional levels they were at when you first met isn't what you'd expect. The key to saving a relationship is attraction.

 

Many women begin trying to analyze every word their partner has said and the tone of his voice while he said it, trying to find a meaning behind why he's pulling away. They try to make sure they spend even more time with him, insist on knowing or finding out what he's doing when he's not with you or even forcing him to stop acting a certain way in an effort to make the relationship feel more stable.

 

In reality, these actions are driving you further apart instead of saving a relationship that was once great fun to be a part of. If you're serious about putting your relationship back on track and keeping it that way, then there are some things you'll need to think about.

 

1. Back to the Beginning

 

Think about what aspect of you your partner fell in love with when you first met. Most men will say they fell in love with a woman who was fun, happy, bubbly, confident, independent and smart. Many women will say they fell in love with a happy, confident, funny, sensitive guy.

 

When you first met, you would have been working hard to make sure your partner enjoyed the time he spent in your company. As you became more familiar with each other, you felt secure that you didn't need to work quite so hard. Ask yourself what's changed about each of you since you first met.

 

2. Attraction

 

As mentioned before, the key to saving a relationship is attraction. When you're attracted to your partner and he's attracted to you, it's natural you both want to spend more time in each other's company.  As you become more familiar with each other, the effort it takes to look good and behave in a fun manner falls away. 

 

Attraction isn't always physically based. Many people are attracted to confidence and independence. Think carefully about what attracted your partner to you originally. This is the key to making your partner fall in love with you all over again.

 

3. Communication

 

Effective communication when you're working on saving a relationship doesn't mean sitting down and talking over all the problems in the relationship for hours at a time. In fact, this could break your relationship even further apart. 

 

You need to remember the type of conversations you had when you first met. Most frequently they would have been happy, light-hearted conversations that made you both feel good and made you both enjoy the time you spent together. It's natural for any human on the planet to avoid situations that make them feel bad, so try to find ways to communicate that make you both remember how much you enjoy each other's company.

I Need Relationship Help

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If you're thinking to yourself, "I think I need relationship help", then you probably do.  When things start to go south in a relationship, it seems that the last person you want to go to for help is also the one you should be talking to the most, your partner. Communication is essential in any relationship and when it breaks down it can sometimes be hard to get back but it's not impossible.

Start by making a list of the things in your relationship that are bothering you. No matter what it is, be honest and don't just make it all about the other person.  Relationships take two to work or not work and if you are feeling bad about your relationship, so is your partner. When you've made your list, invite your partner to discuss the problems you've outlined.

During your talk, keep in mind to never, ever lay blame on the other person. Never start a sentence with, 'YOU' do this or 'YOU' do that. Start your sentences with, 'I FEEL' this and 'I FEEL' that. The only thing laying blame will accomplish is making your partner feel they have to defend themselves, probably start a fight and defeat the whole purpose of trying to improve your relationship. So be open and honest about your concerns but never be hurtful.

Make sure to ask your partner how they feel about the direction your relationship is heading. Find out what they think they need and/or want from you to make your relationship successful and then voice your own concerns, wants and needs.

If talking things through doesn't seem to help, then it may be time to consult an 'I need relationship help' professional. That doesn't mean your mother or your brother or your sister, aunt, uncle or cousin. Keep things between you private, the less input you get from biased sources the easier it will be to resolve the aspects of your relationship that need to be resolved. Families tend to take sides and that will only stoke the fire.

When you've talked about things and feel you both are ready to start seeing a relationship counselor, if you do, make a list (or take the one you've already made) of things to discuss. The relationship counselor will help you both sort things out and keep them in perspective. They know the right questions to ask and what buttons to push to get you thinking and can keep the discussion heading in the right direction.

A relationship counselor will give you exercises, or homework, to teach yourselves the art of communication outside his or her office. Follow what he or she tells you closely. Who knows, you may begin to have so much fun learning how to communicate with each other some of the problems your were facing may just fade away. It's all perception and if your perception changes and you are seeing things from both sides instead of just your own, then maybe you could stop thinking 'I need relationship help'.

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I Need Relationship Help

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If you're thinking to yourself, "I think I need relationship help", then you probably do.  When things start to go south in a relationship, it seems that the last person you want to go to for help is also the one you should be talking to the most, your partner. Communication is essential in any relationship and when it breaks down it can sometimes be hard to get back but it's not impossible.

Start by making a list of the things in your relationship that are bothering you. No matter what it is, be honest and don't just make it all about the other person.  Relationships take two to work or not work and if you are feeling bad about your relationship, so is your partner. When you've made your list, invite your partner to discuss the problems you've outlined.

During your talk, keep in mind to never, ever lay blame on the other person. Never start a sentence with, 'YOU' do this or 'YOU' do that. Start your sentences with, 'I FEEL' this and 'I FEEL' that. The only thing laying blame will accomplish is making your partner feel they have to defend themselves, probably start a fight and defeat the whole purpose of trying to improve your relationship. So be open and honest about your concerns but never be hurtful.

Make sure to ask your partner how they feel about the direction your relationship is heading. Find out what they think they need and/or want from you to make your relationship successful and then voice your own concerns, wants and needs.

If talking things through doesn't seem to help, then it may be time to consult an 'I need relationship help' professional. That doesn't mean your mother or your brother or your sister, aunt, uncle or cousin. Keep things between you private, the less input you get from biased sources the easier it will be to resolve the aspects of your relationship that need to be resolved. Families tend to take sides and that will only stoke the fire.

When you've talked about things and feel you both are ready to start seeing a relationship counselor, if you do, make a list (or take the one you've already made) of things to discuss. The relationship counselor will help you both sort things out and keep them in perspective. They know the right questions to ask and what buttons to push to get you thinking and can keep the discussion heading in the right direction.

A relationship counselor will give you exercises, or homework, to teach yourselves the art of communication outside his or her office. Follow what he or she tells you closely. Who knows, you may begin to have so much fun learning how to communicate with each other some of the problems your were facing may just fade away. It's all perception and if your perception changes and you are seeing things from both sides instead of just your own, then maybe you could stop thinking 'I need relationship help'.

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SETTING THE MOOD; PLACES AND SURPRISES FOR ROMANCE

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It is romance night and you would like to set the mood for a romantic evening or a fantastic get away. Try to remember when the both of you enjoyed the best romance in your marriage and try to include it in your plan.

Some Suggestions of how set the mood for a Romantic day or Evening:

It would be nice to prepare a good delicious aphrodisiac dinner and the bedroom full of sensuous aromas. Decorate the house including the bedroom with beautiful flowers as well as plants. Plan an aphrodisiac dinner with champagne and for dessert have chocolates and strawberries accompanied with soft romantic music. Lighten up the place and room with aromatic sensuous candles. Have ready your most sensuous lingerie. 

If both of you love the country side go and plan a night of love in front of a fire place. Have a romantic dinner in front of the fire place. Spread out a beautiful soft blanket with plenty of soft throw pillows and play soft music. Have your bottle of wine ready and have an intoxicating and amorous evening.

You also can plan a night of interlude in your own private garden. Fix the garden with beautiful flowers and plants. Lighten up the garden with small torches placed around the garden. Spread out a soft beautiful blanket on the grass and place soft throw pillows around. Play soft music and have your aphrodisiac dinner with champagne in the garden.

A suggestion of an aphrodisiac dinner:

Have oysters; steaks grilled and top with plenty roasted garlic and have a horseradish sauce on the side. Serve herbed bread.  For Salad have an arugula salad with boiled shrimps; croutons and grapes and toss with balsamic vinegar dressing. Don’t forget the champagne and for dessert have strawberries; grapes; raspberries with melted chocolate and nuts. Or have a seductive brownie bar.

One can plan for a romantic weekend or simply an overnight stay in a hotel; inn; resort; or beach. Plan ahead and check out places which both of you enjoy going and that are within your budget.  For more exciting new places one can check out the internet for a breathtaking interlude. You may bring sensuous oils with you, candles and seductive lingerie. If you plan to stay in a hotel try to bring scented candles and put them around the room and bathroom and sprinkle the bed with rose petals.

It would be very thrilling to receive a surprise gift from the person you love.  Some suggestions of gifts: Flowers; perfume; cologne; jewelry; handbag; dress; if she loves the kitchen a kitchen utensil; a cell phone; pen or anything that can fit your budget. It is the thought that counts.

The spark of love and must always burn within the couple. It should never die out. Have constant communication with each other – work, laugh, and play together. Trials may come but that is part of life. One must be prepared to know how to handle the situation with open communication and compromise.

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Overcoming A Relationship Break Up

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There are many ways to handle overcoming a relationship break up. One way is to write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal. Next time you go to the store buy yourself a nice notebook. Put it next to your bed on your night table with a pen. Each night when you go to bed spend a minute or two writing down how you felt about one aspect of your relationship. This is a great way to vent your feelings and keep your emotions under control. Writing things in a journal will help you heal.

Another way is to get out with your best friend or group of friends for some fun. Go sing some karaoke in your favorite neighborhood bar. Don't stay home alone. All you'll end up doing is focusing on what could have been instead of what is and what will be. So get out and try to have some fun with friends.

How about renting a couple of good comedy flicks to help you take your mind off all that pain you are feeling? Good idea, huh? Invite that Best Friend Forever over for a night of popcorn and laughs. You will definitely feel better in the morning because it is a well known fact that if you can laugh, whatever it is that's bothering you is really not that bad.

Dance your pain away. Seriously, turn on the radio, turn it up and just dance, dance, dance. Soon you will be laughing and having the time of your life and will forget all about, who again? See? It's working already. Pretty soon you will start to think that overcoming a relationship break up is a piece of cake.

Change your routine, drive a different way to work, go to a museum, go shopping and buy yourself something new, read a scary novel (stay away from the romance novels though they tend to make things worse for the reader). Do whatever it takes to keep your mind off whatsher/whatshisname. Heck, you are probably better off without them anyway. It may not feel like it now but, who knows, maybe there is someone better waiting for you just around the next corner. You will never know if you keep yourself holed up in your home with the blinds down and the curtains drawn.

Basically what you need to do here is fake it till you make it. Smile when you don't feel like it and the next thing you know you catch yourself smiling for no apparent reason. Sometimes that's just what you have to do to get through the day. The pain you feel now will not last forever and in a couple of months when you meet someone new and better for you, you will even wonder why you made such a big deal over this one. Breaking up can feel like the end of the world but overcoming a relationship break up can show you a whole brand new one.

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MAKING EVERY MOMENT A GOOD MEMORY IN ANY RELATIONSHIP

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Life and love are gifts given to us and they must be fully appreciated. Funny enough, one of the easiest ways to appreciate such wonder things is by giving it away. Oftentimes the meaning of life is taken for granted without the person’s knowledge or consciousness. With life is love, these two cannot be separated as without love there is no life within the person. He will be arrogant; selfish; and bitter.

Everyone has memories of childhood whether it is good or bad. Some try to forget their childhood because of some abuse in the family. This kind of memory must be assisted with counseling and at the same time the person abused must work to see it in another light in order to help other people abused and how to deal with that memory. People sometimes try to forget bad memories but forgetting is not as easy as it sounds. That bad memory will always be imbedded in your sub-consciousness. One way to release it is to seek counseling and make that opportunity of helping others with the same problem. Help others with advocacy. You will be a better and more successful person. The anger within you will be released and you will find peace.  You learn to live through your own tragedies and mistakes. Memories are always imbedded in the sub-consciousness of a person.

Memories of love must be always treasured.  These are the things that will keep the person alive and young at heart. In a person’s younger years he might make a diary of the events that happened on a daily basis or in his life. This practice is good to do because it can help the person to internalize and improve one’s perception of life; his character will be enhanced. Such journals also become cherished keepsakes for your children and grandchildren, as they may remember who they thought you were and perhaps learn more about who you really are and they may learn from your life journey.  

In any relationship, whether it may be childhood; teenage life; courtship; and marriage, one must treasure every moment of events in one’s life. Life is short and people don’t seem to care or appreciate to take time off to be thankful for the good moments and the not so good moments.  Everyone learns a lesson in any moment, whether it is a good or bad memory.  One must search for healing of bad memories in marriage as this will affect not only you but also the children.  An example of this is the abusive husband beating the mother in view of the children. This issue must be brought to a counselor right away so that everyone affected can be guided properly in ways of dealing with this turmoil. It should not be kept from family members as this will cause further problems with the people concerned. These memories must be seen as a challenge to help each other and other people with the same situation. Help each other to solve the problem. Always seek guidance.

Are you making use of all the opportunities life offers you? Each of us has been given a free will to make right choices and decisions. The bad memory is a stepping stone to improvement of oneself; it’s an opportunity to learn from it and help others with the same situation. Make the most of your relationship by giving love freely. Then use memories of past situations that were traumatic in some way to help others. The more love you give, the more you will receive!

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How To Mend A Broken Relationship

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There are countless reasons why you would need to mend a broken relationship. The first thing to do is to name them. Is it money? Not spending enough time together? Responsibilities getting in the way? Whatever the problems are they can be overcome.

If things have not totally gotten out of control (and even if they have) you can attempt to fix them by opening the lines of communication. Too often, when things start to go bad, people in a relationship shut down and withdraw into themselves. What you should do is grab your partner and say enough is enough, let's have this out right now. We need to work together to resolve these issues.

If the problem is money, try to either find ways to make more or find ways to spend less. One or both of you go get a part-time job to bring in more cash or learn how to spend less by cutting coupons or buying the store brands which are usually as good as the name brands and cost a lot less. Turn a hobby into a money-making machine.

If you don't spend enough quality time together then start having a date night once a week or once a month. Put a babysitter on retainer and use them frequently. Go see a movie and have dinner, go see a play, have a picnic in the park, or just go for a walk after dinner. Do something to keep in physical contact with each other during your "date". Holding hands will help mend a broken relationship.

I once knew a couple who were married for 73 years, had thirteen children and countless grand and great-grand children. They were so cute together, and they held hands everywhere they went. Physical contact is very important in keeping a relationship healthy.

How about those responsibilities? If they are too much for one of you to handle then ask the other for help. As a couple sometimes one of you just expects the other to know what you need or are thinking. If you think about it that is rather foolish, right? I know I can't read anybody's mind, can you? So lower your expectations and ask for help. Explain things and show them how to do what you need done if they don't know how. Work together to divide responsibilities evenly or if money is not a problem, hire someone to do whatever it is that you need done.

Make some time and go have some fun together. Go fly a kite, go bowling, go to the go-cart track, play miniature golf, find a way to laugh together. Be creative. Play, laugh and be happy - together. Remember how it was when you were all brand new and just falling in love? You spent every single moment together and everything was fresh and fun. You laughed all the time. Find your way back there and you'll also find that's the way to mend a broken relationship.

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Hurting Over A Breakup Relationship Help

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If you are hurting over a breakup relationship help is not as hard to find as you might think. It starts with you. If you feel you have the strength to tackle the way you feel by yourself then do so. Step back and assess your situation. Ask yourself how you really feel and be honest with yourself. Breaking up with someone is tough and you need all the strength you can muster to get through it.

First, and this is very important, let yourself feel the pain. Go ahead and wallow in it for a while. But only for a while. You need this very important step. Stay in bed for a day and cry your eyes out. Go get that pint of ice cream (or gallon) and sit in front of the TV and eat it til you can't eat anymore. Punch a pillow. Throw marshmallows as hard as you can into the sink. Do whatever you need to do to constructively deal with your pain. Believe this or not doing this is actually setting the foundation for the next weeks and months to come as you settle back into single life.

Dealing with your pain the right way can be empowering. That that doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I know you have heard that saying and it is true. Like I said, if you are hurting over a breakup relationship help yourself. You will come out the other side a better, more confident person.

Now, what do you do after your day of wallowing? Wallow no more! Onward and upward! You are probably better off without the one you broke up with anyway. Seriously, take a good long look at your life and start to make some plans. Having a goal in mind will help keep you focused. Make a list of things you want to do. Take a vacation, go back to school, reconnect with old friends or heck, clean out that closet you have been meaning to get to. Organize your thoughts and your life and the rest will follow.

I believe, like many people do, that everything happens for a reason. Something good always come out of a bad situation. You just have to wait for it. Don't go looking for it, it will come to you. I also believe that everything we go through is a learning experience and you take what you learn from one experience to the next. Some call this learning from our mistakes. I like to think it's a little more spiritual than that. So you just went through a breakup, that person wasn't 'the one' anyway and you knew it from the start. So you take what you learned from that experience and tuck it away. Now you have that information to fall back on when your 'the one' makes their way into your life.

Once again, take a day and wallow then make a plan, set some goals, and organize things. Then you won't need any more hurting over a breakup relationship help.

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IMPORTANCE OF SPIRITUALITY IN LIFE AND ANY RELATIONSHIP

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Whether you believe in God, Buddha, or even a Spiritual Guide or Guardian Angel, it’s hard to deny that a Higher Power exists in this world. It seems that evidence is everywhere. It can be seen in the beauty of nature and in the creation of a human being. It is all a mystery of beauty. A precious gift has been given to all men, the human brain to use and free will to make powerful choices. It is the choices of men that can make the human brain be energized with love; compassion; self awareness; honesty or inflated with pride; anger; bitterness; envy; arrogance and hatred. A person’s free will is very powerful it can make him successful to produce a good character or a person with power but corrupt or a person who is full of pride; a loner; and has no meaning to his own self. 

Life is made by the choices one makes. A person’s choice reflects his inner self, his attitudes, values and thoughts in his life. Everyone has choices in life to make to reach a goal. What are your choices in life? Make a list of your choices and then choose the important one’s that will redefine your true character. Choices should be discussed with family member or a trusted friend. This will bring you to a better decision of your own choice.  Life has a purpose and it does not always come out the way a person wishes. One must remember that every choice made has a consequence attached to it.  Now a day’s choices can be presented to you in different forms alluring to your ego but can destroy your dignity. One must always discern the right choice and seek spiritual guidance.

Relationships are choices that people make. One cannot blame another for wrong choices. You made that choice and decision - take ownership of that circumstance or situation and learn from it. One can find freedom and peace if one can take ownership of life’s situations and circumstances of his own choices.

Some people turn to religion only when they are faced with problems in their lives. Solutions to the problem may not come the way you want it but they will come – and in hindsight we can usually make sense of why things turned out the way they did. In relationships and in life, take ownership of your actions and your choices and you will find peace within you.

When a couple gets married in church they ask for blessings to guide them in their lives. The blessings and guidance continue throughout the marriage, in good times and in trials. In marriage the couple makes choices and must discern properly of the choices made to make their marriage last and unite the family. They too must be the true examples to their children.

Whether you consider yourself religious or spiritual, it is important to discuss your views on this important matter with a significant other. The reality is that for those of us that are spiritual or religious, it impacts our daily life in a positive way and in most cases, we want to share that enrichment with the ones we love.

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How To Succeed With Your Healthy Eating Weight Loss Plan

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If you need to lose weight, you’ve probably looked at some healthy eating weight loss diets and groaned in disappointment each time.  You’ve looked at diets that are supposed to be good for you while letting you lose weight.  Some claim you can eat things like fatty cheeseburgers and even fatty milkshakes (made with sugar substitutes).  While other diets claim that you can eat whatever you want as long as you keep your fat intake low. But chances are that they all restrict or forbid something you really enjoy, and you’re not looking forward to going without that favorite food.

What some people overlook is that you don’t necessarily have to follow a healthy eating weight loss diet that someone else claims is the best.  You can figure out how to eat on your own. The first step is to look at how you’ve been eating.  Obviously, if you need to lose weight you’ve been following a diet that provides you with too many calories.  If your diet is healthy overall but you’ve been eating too many calories, then you might not even need to change the way you eat much at all.  Increasing your daily exercise could be enough to help you lose weight.

If your diet needs an adjustment to become a healthy eating weight loss plan, though, you should look at the parts of your diet that seem unhealthy and adjust them. If you make too big a change from the way you like to eat, you’re setting yourself up to be unhappy with your new diet plan.  Instead, try to incorporate the things you enjoy into your new plan.

Your healthy eating weight loss plan might not be able to include doughnuts 3 or 4 times a week like you’ve been eating.  But the occasional doughnut as a treat might be acceptable if it fits within your allotted calories for that day.  You might be able to have a substitution for a doughnut a couple of times a week, though.  A whole grain bagel with fruit-flavored low-fat cream cheese, for instance, is a sweet treat that you could enjoy instead of a doughnut.  It might give you the same satisfaction while remaining healthier and truer to your healthy eating weight loss plan.

If you eat a lot of sweets like chocolate, you can still enjoy them in moderation.  Dark chocolate can be part of a healthy eating weight loss plan.  Dark chocolate contains more antioxidants that many fruits and vegetables.  So try dipping some of your favorite fruits like bananas, pineapple or strawberries in some high-quality melted dark chocolate for a powerful anti-oxidant punch that should satisfy your sweet tooth and keep you on your diet.

Almost any unhealthy treats you’re use to having can be substituted with a healthier food that gives you at least some of the satisfaction of the unhealthy treat.  Mashed cauliflower instead of buttery mashed potatoes, thin-crust vegetable pizza instead of take-out and other tricks can make your healthy eating weight loss plan more enjoyable.

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Do I Need Relationship Help

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If you are asking yourself and anybody else who will listen, "Do I need relationship help?", then my response would be, if you are asking the question the answer is probably yes. No relationship is perfect and neither are the two individuals trying to make a go of it. Each one involved brings their own unique set of qualities to a relationship, good and bad.

Since we are all products of how we were raised, if your parents had a good relationship, respected each other, listened to one another and didn't fight about everything under the sun then you were shown your entire young life how to have a good relationship. Your parents gave you the tools you need to have a successful, loving relationship and you probably didn't even realize it.

On the other hand, if your parents didn't have a good relationship, disrespected each other, ignored each other and fought about anything and everything, they gave you a whole different set of tools. If this is the case, it is understandable why you are asking, "Do I need relationship help?"

If you do find yourself asking this question, good for you, this is a positive step believe it or not. It means you are willing to do whatever it takes to improve on yourself and become a true partner in your relationship. If you and your significant other are on the same page then you can both grow together and no one gets left behind.

So, where do you find the information you need to improve a relationship? There are several places you can look.

1. Self-help books - a good resource for insight into what it takes to have a good relationship. You don't get any feedback from a book so there will be some trial and error to find what works for your relationship and what doesn't.

2. Counseling - a third party to listen and offer advice when the problems seem too big to handle on your own. You will get plenty of feedback here so be prepared.

3. Your parents - They can give you a wealth of information on how they managed to stay married for as long as they have. Just remember, everyone is different and so is every situation. Don't try to be your parents, be yourself. Don't get too specific, try to talk in general terms when involving your parents, they worry about you enough.

4. Your significant other - Yes, yes and yes! Who else would you talk to about YOUR relationship? You would think this would be a no-brainer but you would be surprised at how may people start to see their partner as their enemy, instead of their ally, when things aren't going well.

So if you are insightful enough to ask, "Do I need relationship help?" then also be open to trying every single suggestion or recommendation given to you to help improve your relationship. It will definitely be worth all the hard work.

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I Need Love Help

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You know what I do when I need love help? I think about the person I'm in love with and then list the reasons why I am in love with them. I think about the kinds of things they bring to my life like joy, passion, and romance, just to name of few. I also think about what I can do to make them happy. There is nothing better in the world than to be able to make someone else smile and if you are already in love with that person then that makes it even better.

Love is a wonderful emotion isn't it? When your are in love with someone, it's as if you can do anything, there is nothing you are not capable of. You are on Cloud 9 and everything they do is wonderful, they can do no wrong.

There are so many different ways to express your love; cards, flowers, love letters, an intimate candlelit dinner under the stars, the possibilities are endless. My favorite way to show someone I love them is the candlelit dinner. To me, taking the time and preparing a perfect meal then presenting it in the perfect setting says a lot to the person you have prepared it for. It makes them feel special and loved.

When I need love help, I just start with a little planning. I find a recipe for something I know they like and match it with a good wine. Set the perfect table with a table cloth, cloth napkins and candles as the centerpiece. The meal is served on fine china and I have soft, romantic music playing. It's as if we are the only two people in the world. Nice.

I do like to write love letters and poems also. Love letter writing is a dying art, I think letter writing in general is a dying art due to the invention of the internet and cell phones with email, texting and whatever.

It's a shame that those first feelings of love you experience don't last, life always seems to get in the way. Though, now that I think about it, I suppose those first feelings are replaced with others, like security or contentment. Some people might think that being content in a relationship is a bit boring but if you are with the right person contentment is a plus.

It means you are comfortable. You don't have to try to impress the other person or try to win them over. You already have and they have accepted you for who you are, unconditionally. What more could you ask for?

Here is a good test, if you are in a relationship and you can sit in the same room, in silence, for more than 10 minutes without feeling like you should say something, that probably means you are content in that relationship and there is nothing wrong with that.

So on occasion, if you need love help like I need love help, just try some of these suggestions and I bet you'll find you'll be content in no time.

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How To Stop A Relationship Breakup

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Learning how to stop a relationship breakup is not as difficult as it may seem. All it takes is learning how to communicate with your spouse on a different level. Remember what it was like when you first got together? You talked about anything and everything and agreed on most things too. What happened?

Well, most likely, somewhere along the line one of you got your feelings hurt by what the other one said or did and it did not get addressed. Little resentments then started to creep their way in and got bigger and bigger. If one of you is stuck at home most days and the other one gets to go out and play all the time, more resentments build. One blames the other for their unhappiness and soon you find yourselves caught in a tailspin just waiting to crash and burn.

If you really don't want that to happen then you need to figure out how to stop a relationship breakup before it gets too out of control and all of a sudden divorce court is looming in front of you. How do you do that?

The first step, both of you, stop being so selfish! This is supposed to be a partnership not one pitted against the other. It's not about what each of you as individuals get out of this relationship, it's about what the two of you can accomplish together. Take stock of what you have built together. When all the pettiness gets swept out of the way and it comes right down to brass tacks, do you still love each other? Are you still 'in love' with each other?

If the answer is yes then just start treating each other better. If you have done something wrong, fix it. Say, "I'm sorry", and mean it. A little sorry goes a long way to fixing hurt feelings and whittling away at those little resentments that have built up for so long.

TALK to each other, not at each other. ASK how the other is doing, how their day was. LISTEN to each other, more importantly, HEAR each other. CARE about what is important to them, CARE about how they feel. Ask if there is anything you can do to take a little stress off of them. They will appreciate it and when it comes to your turn they will remember what you did for them and then do it for you. This is called GIVE and TAKE. When one of you does all the giving and the other does all the taking once again, those little resentments build and build.

It will take some practice, human beings are inherently selfish, and it takes some work to be the partner you should be when you are in a committed relationship. A few simple changes in how you approach your spouse or significant other will aid you in learning how to stop a relationship breakup.

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How To Reconcile A Broken Relationship

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During conversation with friends, someone asks how to reconcile a broken relationship. It gets you thinking about your last relationship and how you were certain you had found the love of your life but you eventually messed up anyway and she divorced you. Now you are thinking you want to try to get her back.

Since we all know you can't change anybody but yourself, the best way to go about that is to find a way to start making the changes you need to make in yourself. Don't think it will happen overnight because it won't. Some people are capable of making the life changes they need to make on their own but I recommend starting off by talking to a professional counselor and maybe joining a support group depending on what the problem was in your relationship.

If you are going to make lasting changes you need to find the training to do it. Just like going to college and earning your degree then training for your first job. You didn't know it before you learned it or trained for it. Making a relationship last is not any different. Life is a learning process. We are all works in progress. We are not born just knowing everything we need to know. Especially not knowing how to reconcile a broken relationship.

When your extensive training is complete, however long it takes, then you can approach your ex and simply ask to speak to her over coffee. Don't make any drastic moves at this point. You need to show her that you have changed and she has to learn to trust you again. This will all take time, probably several months at least. She is not going to jump right back into a relationship with someone who hurt her badly.

Say she agrees to have coffee with you, now what? Just talk to her. Keep the conversation light and don't get into anything heavy right off the bat. You will scare her off. Make her wonder what you are up to, keep her guessing. You want her to keep thinking about you after coffee. Don't tell her yet what you have been doing to improve yourself, show her. Let her start to see the new you. When she sees the changes you have made for herself she may even ask if you have been seeing a counselor. Now is the time you can tell her all about the improvements you have made and why.

If she is receptive to giving you and the relationship a second chance, ask her out on a real date and treat her like the love of your life you always thought she was. Also, sooner rather than later, sincerely apologize for any pain you caused her the first time around. If she forgives you, you know all your hard work was worth it and that she understands and trusts that you figured out how to reconcile a broken relationship.

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How To Reverse A Break Up

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If you are wondering how to reverse a break up, I've got some fairly simple suggestions for you. Obviously, I can't promise you anything but this is as good a place to start as any. If you let things get so bad that your SO thought a break up was his or her only option, here is where you need to start when trying to make it all better.

1. Accept Responsibility - Yup, and this may be hard for you but you need to accept responsibility for whatever part you played in the break up. This is the biggest and best thing you can do to try to get your relationship back on track. If your ex will listen, explain that you know what happened and understand that they were hurt by it. Tell them you will do whatever it takes to not let anything like that happen again. Admit you had a moment of weakness and didn't take their feelings or the possible consequences into consideration.

2. Apologize - With as much sincerity as you can come up with. Really mean it. Saying you are sorry for something you have done wrong is important and you would be surprised how healing it can be for both of you. It will also show your ex that now, at least, you are paying attention to how and what he or she are feeling. Apologizing may start to put you back into his or her good graces.

3. Get Help - No one is perfect and we all could use a little guidance from time to time. A good relationship counselor can show you ways on how to reverse a break up. It would be best to go to a relationship counselor together but if your ex won't go with you, by yourself. Once your ex sees the positive changes you are making, he or she might just agree to give it a shot.

4. Talk - Don't argue and don't talk at each other. Arguing will not accomplish anything and will only leave you both feeling worse about your situation. So stay calm and each of you take as much time as you need and just get everything out. Take notes if you have to. Then start to talk through each issue until you work things out and you both understand where each other is coming from.

It is said that trust is the basis of every good relationship. When you are in a committed relationship you give your trust to that particular person and hope he or she will cherish it and hold it dear to their heart. When that trust is broken the one who trusted you feels betrayed and now vulnerable to the world because not only do they not trust you but they cannot trust themselves anymore. So if you want to know how to reverse a break up work hard and take the time to gain that person's trust back.

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