Getting Better With Age

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When a new relationship begins we are enthralled with the possibilities of what the future may hold. After all, it seems we have found someone that we really connect with – someone that we can love and who loves us back. And for most people, this early stage in the relationship, the honeymoon phase, is fun, interesting, and seems as though it will never end. But sadly, for many couples, the newness wears off and the romance subsides sooner than they would like.

So what goes wrong? Is it that the partners become too comfortable with each other and therefore they take advantage of each other’s good nature? Or does the love slowly dissipate for other reasons?

From personal experience I can tell you that any number of things can happen. Taking each other for granted is very common. The fact is that in the beginning we are thrilled to have a new person in our life. We do whatever we can to spend time with that person. And we are more tolerant of his or her strange ways; in fact, we may find those little quirks to be cute or to make that person special.

But for many of us as time goes on we eventually realize that those same ‘cute little things’ that made our new partner unique become annoying. And instead of appreciating our partner for the individual that he or she is, we begin to accept the fact that the person is a part of our life and that person simply has some annoying habits that we would like to change.

Obviously, this is unfair. All of us are unique and all of us have personality quirks. We do not expect that someone will ever ask us to change our little quirks. Let’s face it, being accepted just the way we are is important to us.

Another thing that happens is that we expect our partner to make us happy. That is so unfair! The reality is that each of us are responsible for our own happiness. We need to work at finding happiness and let that shine through in our relationships with others.

Jealousy is often a culprit in relationships. Knowing and understanding what each partner deems as acceptable in the relationship is vital to a lasting relationship.

If couples work at respecting each other from the start for who they really are the likelihood that the relationship will last is greatly improved. It’s often when one or both partners begin expecting changes that trouble begins.

Relationships with a solid foundation can survive even the hardest of times. The need is that the relationship be based on a true friendship that is given without conditions. Unconditional love, as it is referred to, is a love that accepts the other person just as they are. There are no requirements other than love and friendship.

Such relationships strengthen over time. In other words, as they age and season, the partners grow to respect each other even more. And in that way, the relationship continues getting better with age.

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Couples That Are In The Know Romance Their Partners

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Married couples must keep the candles of romance lit in their life together if their relationship is to last. The efforts will result in lives that are more fruitful and happy.  Romance takes away the boredom associated with everyday living. Romance is what brings back the thrills and frills that they once knew when they were still courting each other. The reality is that we all like to feel appreciated, but more than that, we like to feel loved and respected for who we really. That is usually part of the attraction in a new relationship, but unfortunately, some couples tend to let the romance slip away and they become increasingly comfortable in the relationship.

Romance must never end after the honeymoon stage. It must keep on growing even if you have celebrated your fiftieth anniversary of togetherness. There are so many ways to ignite the flame of romance in a relationship. But because people are unique, each couple must find the proper way or method in order to achieve this. They must have the desire and commitment to elevate their romance to the highest possible peak and then to continue the maintenance in order that the relationship will always be enjoyable.

Romance must be a never ending cycle in marriage. When romance abounds in the household, the house becomes a more pleasant place to live in.  Married couples whose romance continues to bloom have very good attitudes. They feel more confident and usually consider their spouse to be their best friend. This results in a significant bond that continues to strengthen as the years go by.

Such couples less jealous, because they are assured of their spouses love for them. They are less cranky because their life has meaning and joy. These romantic couples do not hide their feelings, they show it to the world, there is never any shame in showing how much they care about their partner. Little things like gentle touches, light strokes on one’s hand or arm and holding hands all comes naturally to these partners.

People in such partnerships have the assurance that they are well appreciated for the things they do for each other. The satisfaction of their love life can be seen in their faces.  They are more trusting of each other and jealousy has no place in their lives. These couples are also less complicated and their problems can be solved easily, because they will find time to understand and listen to one another.  Romancing spouses know the meaning of give and take. They take into consideration the views of each other and respect them for what they are.

Because these partners know and understand each other disagreements are rare, and when they happen they can more easily be solved. Such relationships not only survive, but they thrive – as time goes by the couple enjoy a better understanding of the other and therefore romance and a beautiful relationship comes naturally.

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How Soon Is Too Soon Or Not Soon Enough

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Inevitably, when you are part of the dating world, you will need to face the question of just how soon you should let things move to a more physically intimate level. This is just a gentle and polite way of saying you will need to decide when the time is right to have sex. While this should be a rather simple thing to figure out, especially for adults, it can actually be a bit tricky.

First of all, even when you’re well past the age of consent and, possibly, heading into early middle age, there’s still a right time and a wrong time to move forward sexually. It really doesn’t matter how enlightened people in the 21st century think they are, men still have a certain way of viewing a woman who will jump right into bed with them, no questions asked. If this describes you, don’t be too surprised if a lot of guys are not calling you back. When you allow yourself to be used in this fashion, chances are you’re giving in MUCH too soon and these guys are just having a quick release with you.

This brings us to the First Date Rule. Agreeing to sex on the first date is a huge no-no. The only way that this is acceptable and probably not damaging to the budding relationship and your reputation is if the man is someone you’ve known for a very long time and friendship has transitioned into romance. In all other instances, the first date is completely too soon for such intimacy. Kiss all you want, but keep it on simmer.

Are you hoping to find that the second date is a more acceptable time frame to have sex for the first time with someone new? You should hear the Second Date Rule if you truly believe that. The second date is also too soon to hop into bed. Keep in mind that this is particularly true if you’re just getting to know someone new.  Two dates is not enough time to know someone THAT well.

While many people seem to adhere to the Third Date Rule, that may still be a bit too soon if you really want this to turn into something wonderful. Too many people tend to do things backwards in relationships. For example, they meet at a bar or a party or wherever, spend some time drinking and talking, head back to his place or hers, and then have sex. Most of the time, they don’t even know each other’s last names. Also, these encounters typically turn into one night stands, which are never favorable when it comes to having a true relationship.

If a real relationship is what you’re trying to find, give it some time before you give into your hormonal desires. Let the connection between the two of you grow and take time to really get to know each other. No, it doesn’t have to be YEARS, but at least give it time to feel 100 percent right in every way. There’s much more of a chance for a successful relationship then.

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Dumped Boyfriend - You Aint Dead In The Water

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If you've been a dumped boyfriend, I'm sure you're wondering what in the heck you should do now to get over your ex.  You are more than likely feeling anger, resentment and hurt over the situation, but hey, you're a guy, so you don't want anyone to know. 

First off, that's the wrong approach. There's nothing wrong with hurting when someone you love is no longer in your life, I'm not saying you should break down and sob in front of your friends, but unless your friends are complete jackasses they should be able to support you while you're going through this (and if not, maybe your first step should be to get some new friends).

Sometimes in life it's just as important to know what not to do as it is to know what to do. When you're trying to move past a tough breakup there are many things you just don't want to do, you'll only keep your own hurt alive that much longer and you can hurt other people too. 

For example, don't hook up with other women.  I know, this can  help your wounded pride heal and it may take away a little of the hurt for a little while, but what about the other woman? Does she really deserve to be treated like a replacement for your ex? What has she ever done to you?  No, it's best to just resist the urge to sleep with other women at least for a little while until you can do it for the right reasons and not just to build up your own ego, ease your hurt, or get back at your ex.

Another thing you need to avoid is the dumb macho posturing of going out and getting drunk.  What does that really accomplish, it's such a juvenile thing to do.  If you want to go out with your friends and have some fun to keep your mind off of things, than go for it. But if you want to go out and drink yourself into a stupor either avoid doing that or at least stay home where you won't make a fool of yourself and where  you can't hurt anyone.

Instead of engaging in these destructive behaviors when you're a dumped boyfriend, try doing something positive that won't leave you feeling, and looking, like a jerk. How about joining a gym and getting in shape?  Why not take a class or go back to school?  Go visit your mother?  It doesn't matter what it is for you, as long as what ever activities you choose to participate in are healthy and will eventually move you forward in life. They can help you take your mind off your ex, and your anger, and concentrate on something that is worthwhile, a two for one!

Avoiding the destructive behaviors after a breakup and improving the man you are will enable you to move forward in a positive way and will greatly increase the odds that your next relationship will work out better than your last one did. So if you're a dumped boyfriend take stock of the man you are and make improvements while you are healing over your breakup.

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To Save My Marriage - Wait - Do I Really Want To

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My marriage has been on the rocks for some time now and I just did some research on how to save my marriage. The first thing I learned was we both need to communicate better. I am so excited, this shouldn't be too hard, we used to talk about everything all the time. I am going to start as soon as we both get home from work. I will suggest that we cook dinner together, open that nice bottle of wine we bought on that vacation we took a couple of years ago, and start talking while we eat our dinner.

I found that I have to be honest with myself, that no matter how much I want my marriage to work I may not be able to save it. My husband needs to want to save it and be willing to work on things, too.  No matter how much I may want to, I can't do it all by myself and I can't force him to want to work on it if he really does not want to.

I also realize that we don't have a clue on how to communicate. Sure, we talk, but we don't really 'get' the other person most of the time. So often when I try to tell him how I feel he gets mad and thinks I'm attacking him. I'm just trying to express my worries, concerns or fears but he seems to take it as a personal attack. 

I will suggest we talk about why we haven't been getting along lately, just see what's going on. I know this is going to take some work on both our parts but I want to save my marriage.

Hopefully if this dinner is a success we can start to figure out how to spend more quality time together. I think we should have a date every now and then. We get so caught up in the day to day managing of this household we forget we need to connect with each other in meaningful ways. I want to feel in love again and stop feeling like we are just roommates. Maybe if we both agree that our marriage needs work and then agree to try to fix what is wrong, we can find our happily ever after, after all.

Then there is the subject of sex. The research I did said that if you and your partner have not had sex for a while then one of you needs to take the initiative and seduce the other. I went out today and bought some new lingerie and some new candles. I had time to get them into the bedroom and set up already. After dinner I will excuse myself and go put on the lingerie and light the candles. Ooh, I will put on some romantic music, too. Then I will take him by the hand and lead him into the bedroom for an unforgettable night.

I am going to make these little changes starting tonight and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to save my marriage.

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how to get your wife back

One of the hardest things in the world is when a marriage breaks up. The second hardest thing is when you realize that it was a mistake to not fight harder to save it. If you find that you are in that situation and you want to know how to get your wife back, here are some helpful tactics that have worked for a lot of marriages and may work for yours too.

1. The first thing you have got to do is be an adult. This may sound like silly advice but the truth is that when we are hurting we can do and say some really dumb things. Don't lash out in anger or in pain, get your emotions in check before you try to reach out to your ex.

2. Remind your wife of the person she fell in love with. Go out to the places you used to go and do the things you used to do when the two of you first met. It's very common that when a relationship goes on for a long time, things can get stale, remind her of why she fell in love with you in the first place.

3. Show her, through your actions, that you are willing to make changes. She has no doubt heard it all before and talk is cheap, so now it's time to put your money where your mouth is.

For many, that means doing something different such as be willing to go to a counselor. If you were reluctant to do that before she will see that you are serious if you agree to it now. (Just make sure if you agree to go that you take it seriously and really try, she won't be impressed with more broken and empty promises).

These tips are a good place to start and will show you how to get your wife back. Everyone and every situation is different and only you and your wife know what went wrong, but if you are willing to be open and honest, and use these tips, you have a chance to make things right again.

Relationship Self Help - Can Save Your Relationship

 There are plenty of relationship self help techniques you can use to bring the intimacy back into your relationship. Many people begin to feel that the intimacy levels in their relationships begin to fade over time. They mistakenly believe this means the love is gone, but the truth is that all relationships develop into a pattern of habits and rituals that can often make people feel more like roommates than lovers.

 

Instead of giving up on your relationship, try using some relationship self help techniques to bring the intimacy levels back to where they were when you first met.

 

1. Small Talk

 

Research has shown that couples who engage in regular small talk will experience less arguments and fights throughout their relationship. Connective small talk doesn't mean bombarding your partner with an hour-long diatribe about every single thing you did during the day.

 

Small talk is simply sharing opinions or observations from things you did through your day. It also means learning to avoid mono-syllable responses and actually showing a bit of interest in what each other is saying. Ask questions and respond to your partner with positivity.

 

2. Eye Contact

 

How many times do you really look your partner in the eye when you talk together? As relationships progress, many people tend to look in the direction of their partner's eyes, but they don't make eye contact.

 

When you first met, eye contact would have been high. Humans react to eye contact as being a positive way to build intimacy. As you become more familiar with each other, this decreases over time, which also leads people to believe the intimacy is dying.

 

3. Non-sexual Physical Contact

 

Learning to touch your partner and encouraging them to touch you too in non-sexual ways can help to increase intimacy. Give your partner a hug without expecting it to lead to anything further. Offer your partner a back massage or a foot rub and don't have an ulterior motive. Hold hands when you're out together. These simple forms of physical contact re-establish a level of intimacy and trust in each other that can be very effective relationship self help techniques.

 

4. Appreciation

 

Instead of focusing on the things that annoy you about your partner, try focusing on the things you appreciate about them instead.  There must be things about your partner that attracted you to them originally, so spend some time each day focusing on the positive things and don't waste time concentrating on the annoying traits that everyone has anyway.

 

5. Time Out

 

Far too many couples fall into a pattern of trying to spend all of their time with their partner.  They begin to feel as though their partner is somehow deserting them if they want to spend a little time doing something without their significant other. While it's normal to enjoy each other's company, it's also important to remember that everyone needs a little time out occasionally. 

 

This could be something as simple as going out for a meal or a movie with friends or a coffee with the girls. Research shows that many couples improve their relationships when they display trust and encourage each other to spend a little time doing things they enjoy.