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Breaking up a relationship is one of the most difficult things a person ever has to do. Emotions of anger, guilt, frustrations and stress will run high on the individual. There are many reasons why one would want to end a relationship. Before breaking the news to the other person he must internalize within himself why he wants to break off the relationship. He must be honest with him/herself to gather all his thoughts and find the real reason of the decision to break up.
It takes two to make a relationship. If there is a problem in the relationship there must be communication between the couple of how to solve the problem. Before making the big decision of breaking up it is a good idea to make 2 lists. One for all the good things the person has done to improve your attitude in life and in your relationship. The other, the not so good things you don’t want in your life. To do this list the person must be very honest with him/herself and must remember that it takes two to make a relationship work. If the good weighs more than the bad then he should stick with the relationship and talk about how to improve it. The couple should seek advice from a counselor; parents or a trusted friend to solve the problem. It can take a lot of honesty and self awareness to admit that something is wrong with the relationship.
If one has come to realize that the bad weighs more than the good and nothing has improved despite all the efforts done to save it, then the person should take steps of ending the relationship.
The planning and revealing of the decision to break-up will cause a lot of pain to both partners, most especially to the other person. Some steps that may help on how to break the bad news:
a) Pray ahead of time -- for enlightenment for words of what to say and use, so as not to make the situation worse. Never accuse the other person of his/her shortcomings. Don’t talk in anger. Have compassion with the other person; remember that they will be getting hurt. Be prepared for expected reactions of the other person but remain calm and listen.
b) Set up a date of when to talk- ask the person for date to talk as soon as possible. It is better to talk face to face. If one does it face to face the sincerity of the person is there to face up to the situation.
c) The date of Emotions revealed – talk calmly and with compassion; be understanding and focus on the reason for the breakup; stay on the topic; share your feelings of the situation; never accuse the other person; your partner might react differently and get angry than is expected but one must remain calm and listen to what the other has to say. d) Listen and don’t take it personally. The other person is hurting - never take literally the hurting words being said. You wanted the breakup and have given your views, now just listen and be compassionate. Thank the person for the good things you have learned and enjoyed about the relationship, and talk about them.
Hurt feelings are likely to be felt by both of you for some time. The truth is that a lost relationship ends a chapter in one’s life. It’s easy to feel lost and alone. Look to the future and move forward. Try to reflect on the causes of the break-up and try to dissect it carefully and be honest with yourself to admit your mistakes. It is not an easy situation but life must go on and make sure you don’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
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