So, what if you were dumped by the one you thought you’d end up with? There’s a fine line between obsessing and reflecting. You need to confront the situation and feel the emotions, but you need to put a cap on it as well. Give yourself a specific window of time each day to indulge all the painful thoughts and memories and force yourself to let go and think about the bigger picture. Which should not, for the time being, include hopping into bed with either a handy ex or the next guy who buys you a drink on your next night out. That kind of quick fix doesn’t feel good for long.
Ultimately, you’re going to have to allow yourself to be vulnerable again, and that can’t happen until you’ve gone through every part of the healing process. Once you consider yourself to be semi-rational, begin analyzing your past for destructive patterns that you need to avoid the next time a similar situation comes around.
Some things in life simply aren’t under your control, and someone falling out of love with you is one of them. But, you can become a more resilient person in the face of disappointment or heartbreak. Create and sustain a strong circle of supportive friends and family, rather than letting those ties lapse upon getting serious with someone else.
Or, what if a friend betrayed you or stabbed you in the back? You sometimes don’t understand what happened, and you’re hurt by it. At this point in your life, your friends are standing in for family, so a betrayal of this magnitude can shake up your foundation. It can help to talk about it with other friends who can offer better perspective. Maybe there’s something going on in their life that you don’t know about…or something about you that she just can’t handle.
Whatever the reasons, dump and rid yourself of the revenge fantasies, and just concentrate on whether you want to give them another chance. Is this the first betrayal or one in a series? Is it a very long-lived friendship that deserves another shot? If you do want to try and repair things, write a note and send it to them. Ask them what you need to know about and wait for them to explain. If you don’t get a reply soon after that, then maybe it’s time to let go and establish a bond with someone who understands you for you.
Don’t put all your friendship eggs in one basket. You don’t want any one person to be the sole source of your identity. Instead, have several close friends in different circles, so if you end up disappointed or hurt by one of them, it isn’t as devastating. More importantly, dump the what-if mentality for anything that happens to you. Not every choice has a domino effect far into the future, so it’s best for you to try and stay in the present. You make better decisions when you’re intuitive. Get out of your head and into your body. Sometimes, it’s better to listen to physical signals to assess your gut. If having that person around makes you sick, let go and be with someone you’re confident with.
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