As the recent recession dug in, divorce rates have started dropping. Not because everyone’s happier, but more people just can’t afford to split up. If your relationship is in peril, try to fall back in love. It can be done, mind you. In fact, recent surveys have revealed that couples who stuck it out despite being on the verge of a breakup have found their way back to conjugal bliss. The route to marital happiness may not be as hard as you think it should be, but you first have to acknowledge the fact that you’re headed off course.
In times of stress, you may look into your relationships to help you through. But while singles start new relationships in times of stress, people who are already coupled up may find that this can actually be damaging. Stress, after all, has the tendency to get under your skin. It does this, in part, by eating away at your self-control and weakening the resources that usually stop you from saying hurtful things. Self-control functions like a muscle and if you’ve been implementing it in other domains, you’ll have less over for your relationship. So after spending a day at work trying not to do or say anything that will cost you your job, you may not have anything left to handle even the smallest argument at home.
When partners who generally have good relationship skills are under extreme work stress, they may have trouble using their communication and relationship tools. Take time to unwind after you arrive home by doing what you like to do, instead of diving right in the responsibilities you have yet to fulfill. Dinner conversation is much more enjoyable after you’ve let all your frustrations out elsewhere, and this is something you’ll have to clearly establish. This will give you both a chance to cool off.
When squabbles break out, you may also tend to see each other’s negativity or hostility as an innate quality instead of by-products of the current tension. When couples aren’t under any particular duress, they’re more likely to forgive occasional behavioral lapses. But in the heat of an argument, people often blame their mates for negative behaviors, and that pattern tends to build on itself over time.
Stop dreaming about alternatives and get on with reality. If you’re wondering just how much happier you’ll be if you were with another type of person, stop where your mind is headed. Constantly visualizing ideal spouses makes you less happy because it creates more potential for unproductive desire or regret. While occasional communication about the issues that bother you is important, try to think about the great things. That way, you constantly remind each other why you chose to get married in the first place.
Make time to do things that your partner likes, and this has to work both ways. Your partner may actually be sacrificing a lot for you, and it’s time you show gratitude. Show your commitment by putting the relationship first. When you sacrifice, the effort stands out. It’s a kind of positive that’s really salient.
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